I want to focus on narcissistic women because these are mothers who raise children who are severely traumatized. Some so many men are being domestically abused, and we don’t talk about it enough because men don’t talk about it. You know, we typically think of a narcissist as somebody who is a male grandiose person, right, with zero empathy, of course. But we need to talk more about how narcissism is manifested in women today.
I want to talk to you about how a narcissistic wife treats her husband in a marriage or a domestic relationship, right, as long as it’s like a long-term relationship where they’re living together for several years. So let’s go ahead and dive into it.
1. Everything is your fault.
You as the male, will always feel like the problem. I have clients that ask me all the time, “Am I the problem? Am I a narcissist? Is it my fault?” No, it’s not your fault. Okay, this is exactly how an abuser wants you to feel in that relationship. They will blame you for everything. They will always be unsatisfied. You will always feel like you’re disappointing them all the time, and you’re gonna think it’s your fault. And you’re gonna try harder, and she’s gonna embarrass you more.
She’s going to take away your manhood. She’s always going to explain things to you like you’re a little child, you know, like if you’re trying the dishes, “Why did you put them here?” Or if you buy something that’s a brand that she doesn’t like, “Why did you buy this brand? You know, I don’t like this.” Like, it’s always going to be that nagging. Nothing’s ever good enough.
There’s never going to be that “Good job, thank you so much.” No, you’re never gonna hear that. Everything you do is going to be incorrect, and you will believe it, and you will truly feel like you’re the problem in the relationship. So please, if you’re the man who’s suffering from this kind of abuse, I want to tell you right now, it’s not your fault. She’s making you feel like this on purpose.
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Is that this woman is always going to be against you? She’s always going to take the side against you. She’s never going to be your true partner, okay? She’s gonna do this to embarrass you. She’s going to do this to, once again, take away your manhood.
Like, she’s never treating you as a partner, as an equal. She’s always against you because she doesn’t trust you because she doesn’t know how to trust because, remember, narcissistic people in general, never feel safe in their relationship ever because they never had that attachment that was secure in their childhood. Therefore, she’s not going to have that with you, so she’s always going to be skeptical of everything and never support you in anything because why? She has to be against you because clearly, she can’t trust you. That’s all built up in her head.
3. You will feel GUILTY for wanting Intimacy.
Is very common. This woman, especially if she was using sexuality to manipulate you in the beginning, right? Now she’s going to take away that affection fully, and she’s going to make you feel guilty for wanting to be intimate with her. And why is she doing this? Well, first of all, so that you feel like something’s wrong with you for wanting to be physical with your wife, which is, you know, it’s crazy to think about because you will truly believe that you’re the problem like there’s something wrong with you.
And then that’s also going to lead you to complete isolation and loneliness because every time you try, she’s going to say things like, “Not again, not right now.” It’s going to come off in a way where you once again will feel like it’s your problem, and you shouldn’t be trying to be intimate with your wife because she doesn’t want you. And then this woman is going to prevent you from having any friends, especially if these are female friends but any friends in general. Why? Because she doesn’t want you to have a support system.
You having friends is a threat to her that you might leave, that somebody might open your eyes and show you that you are in this control freak situation. Okay, so basically, there’s going to be a problem with any person that you want to hang out with, right? Any friendship that you try to make, she’s going to find something, whether they’re a loser, whether she doesn’t like their behavior, whatever it may be, there’s going to be a problem with that person.
4. She will prevent you from having FRIENDS.
Another thing she might do is that she’s going to pick somebody from your life that she knows you’ll never have a friendship with and say, “Why don’t you go hang out with Joe? I like Joe.” And she knows that you’re never gonna hang out with Joe, but she’s trying to manipulate the situation, saying, “I’m not preventing you from having friends.
I just don’t want you to have bad friends because I look out for you and I care that much.” And then if you ever have a problem with any of her friends, guess what? You’re being controlling, and that’s the kind of double standard that this woman is constantly going to run against her husband.
5. Constant reminder that she could have done better.
She lives in that fantasy land where you’re not good enough for her, and she could have done better but for some reason, she didn’t, right? So you’re always going to hear from her things like, “I should have married, you know, this guy,” or, “I never should have married you. I just should have listened to my family. Why did I settle for you? You’re such a loser.” You’re gonna hear this repeatedly, and it’s gonna chip away from you so much because, again, this woman is going to live in this fantasy land, and she’s going to tell you that you’re not good enough for her.
And this actually might motivate you to try harder, to maybe go after that position that she wants you to go after, you know, make more money because she wants more money all the time. Nothing’s ever good enough. Nothing’s ever enough in general. And at that time, she might stop with these remarks when you’re working so hard to please her, to live up to her expectations. However, once that stops, that chipping away is gonna start again.
6. She blames you for her past.
This woman truly blames you for everything that happened in her life, like all of her past dramas are now your fault. So she blames you for these things in her head, and she thinks that she needs to get back at you for them. So you’re going to turn into her emotional punching back, and you’re not even gonna know why because it’s not about what you did. It’s maybe about somebody who abused her in the past, like her parents or maybe an ex-boyfriend or whoever it may be.
So she will try to get back to you very directly. She might do something like run a credit card debt with your financials, and then if you find out about it and confront her about it, she’s gonna say, “Well, at least now we’re even because you did so and so and so.” Because, again, these people are very delusional. They build up these narratives in their head, and if you try to convince her otherwise, you’re only gonna receive gaslighting, manipulation, passive aggressiveness, and so on and so on. So there you have it.
7. Queen and Servant Dynamic
The next one here is that there’s always going to be this queen-servant dynamic, okay? Not queen and king dynamic, no. It’s more that she’s the queen and you’re working for her. So you’re gonna find yourself reporting to this woman in everything. She’s staying at home, you’re bringing home the paycheck, you’re giving the paycheck to her.
If you have any spending at all, you report that to her. “Why did you buy this? Why did you buy this? Why did you buy this?” You’re going to hear this from her all the time because you are not in charge of making your decisions. You’re working for her. Remember that.
It’s a servant and queen-dynamic. So, man, if you feel like you have to report about your finances, about things that you spend to your wife I’m not talking about making decisions together, sharing what you want to buy, no.
I’m talking about when you have to report to her and she lashes out at you and criticizes you on things that you want to make decisions on your own, that’s a problem. Okay, that’s control because you’re not working for her. You’re a grown man. So get that out of your head that it’s normal for you to report to her.
8. She is a Blame Shifting Expert.
This woman is going to be a blame-shifting expert. How so? Well, whatever she does wrong, whatever problem she makes, it’s still going to be your fault. And you’re truly gonna believe it. Just boom, she’s gonna shift that blame onto you, and once again, you’re gonna be so traumatized by the time she starts doing this that you will just take that blame, and yeah, you’re gonna say, “Yep, I’m the problem. Everything’s my fault.” And this is what most of my clients are experiencing. Once again, it’s not your fault. Your problems are not your problems, okay? You’re not responsible for her problems. You need to get that in your head.
9. She is Emotionally Absent
Just like any narcissist, she’s going to be emotionally absent, right? So it’s gonna be like talking to a person with no soul, like just a black mirror. And when you try to communicate to her something when she hurts you, there’s gonna be zero remorse. And when you try to have a conversation with her about the emotional level, right, she’s gonna say something like, “What do you want from me? We’re talking.
How much more do you want from me?” Why is she doing this? Remember, narcissists, have nothing to give. There is nothing inside. She’s empty because back in the day, she was made to suppress all of those emotions, okay? Having emotions meant shame, and shame is bad. So she was shamed for feeling, for having emotions, for showing emotions. So you can’t expect that out of a woman that doesn’t have it in her.
10. Constant Divorce Threats.
And last but not least, you’re gonna hear a lot of threats about her divorcing you, leaving you, blah, blah, blah, blah, okay? That’s gonna become something very normal in your relationship. You’re gonna get used to it. It’s still gonna chip away from you, but you’re used to hearing about those threats of her leaving you.
Now, I hope this information is helpful for you guys. I want you to understand what’s going on in your relationship. I want you to stop blaming yourself. Please get help because these are very toxic dynamics. It’s a trauma bond that is so hard to break on your own.
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