It is so important to spot red flags very early on in a relationship. And there are different things to look out for and things you can do to find out for yourself if someone you are dealing with is not all they promote themselves to be. And when it comes to Narcissists it is usually with hindsight that we realize they did say things and do things that should have raised an alarm.
But we missed them, or we just did not know that they were potential warning signs. I also did this article which provides a quick and easy way to test for Narcissism in someone. But today I want to talk about a few things that you can look out for when conversing with someone new or someone you are interested in getting to know better. These are things Narcissists are usually guilty of, which will reveal the true character and intentions of the Narcissist.
And I am hoping it helps to add to your arsenal of information when deciding if someone is worth the risk. So be wary if someone is guilty of at least 3 of the five things I am going to mention. We first need to remember that conversing is usually all a Narcissist needs to get their fangs into someone and then start the process of manipulation and control with their lies. And in many cases, Narcissists love to dominate conversations.
They love to control the flow and are even quiet at times when attempting to elicit pertinent information that they can later use against you. An important thing to highlight is that Narcissists are selective in who they speak to. They ideally want to target people who have some sort of influence or power. Narcissists like to rub shoulders with people who they deem attractive or successful. They basically target people who can benefit them in some way. So, unless it is a charity event, they would prefer not to waste time on certain people.
Be judgmental or critical of others
The first thing they like to do during conversations is give unnecessary advice. In their attempt to display their intelligence or know-it-all. They quickly like to share their suggestions or recommendations as to how you should do something even though you may not have asked. They are hoping that you are impressed by their knowledge and that you will view them favorably. And because it is not done forcefully it can easily be overlooked. But over time their suggestions become demands and if rejected will be met with much hostility.
Give unnecessary advice
Another thing Narcissists, like to do in conversations, is to be very judgmental or critical of others. They cannot help looking down on others or finding fault with others. But to mask their contempt, they tend to use humor to lighten the delivery of their crass comments but do not be fooled.
They are basically giving you a sneak preview as to how they view others. The Narcissist means every word and it is only a matter of time before they do the same to you and talk crap behind your back. A third thing Narcissists like to do in conversations is to keep talking about themselves. They cannot bear not being the center of attention. Not only do they seem to enjoy the sound of their own voice, but they want you to know all the glorious details of their life.
Most of it may be exaggerated or flat-out lies but they just want you to listen and be in awe of everything they say. Their life, what they do, what they have accomplished, or who hurt them or wronged them are things they can go on about all day. In many cases, the Narcissist is happy to speak more than they are willing to listen. But everything a Narcissist says is to gain praise or sympathy. They are either always the victim or the hero but never the villain.
Talk about themselves
Narcissists like to do in conversations is to ask personal questions. So, even though you may have just met them they want to know things about you that you don’t usually talk about with just anyone. But Narcissists have a way to coax people into opening up to them by first relaying some made-up personal trauma on their part in hopes that you too will share. Very early on they try to find out your weaknesses, your secrets, and your past hurts, by feigning concern or love for you.
They try to convince you that there is a connection between the both of you that they haven’t experienced before. The Narcissist basically wants you to trust them in no time at all. They want you to lower any defenses and just let them in. Narcissists want fast relationships, which is something I talked about in this video. They want to quickly move their way into your heart and life.
Sensitive to disagreements
The final thing to look out for is them becoming sensitive or offended if you disagree with them. Narcissists not only believe that everything they say is important but that they are always right. So, pay attention to any micro expressions or changes in mood.
The Narcissist may also suddenly feel the need to change the topic or end the conversation and move on to someone else or go and do something else. They never do well with disagreements and if they cannot persuade you to see things their way, it will annoy them and affect how they deal with you. But to conclude, meeting new people and starting new relationships can be fraughted with much uncertainty. We have to be careful about who we open our hearts and our homes. Narcissists are all about deception.
But they do tell on themselves in little ways, we just need to know what to look out for and listen out for. Because once a relationship is established the expectations of the Narcissist are, that you should always be silent while they speak and never interrupt them. Only obey and submit to their demands or fall into jeopardy. For more on actual phrases a Covert Narcissist would say very early on in a relationship please see this article. But that is it for today. As always, I hope this was useful. Please share your thoughts below. Many thanks for reading.
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