What is a Covert Narcissist? Studies have shown that while narcissism is found equally across men and women, the expression of their narcissism might differ. While narcissism in men tends to be grandiose and arrogant, in women, it tends to be more covert and disguised, meaning that it’s less visible on the outside.
A narcissistic mother’s personality is more likely to be socially withdrawn. They may fall easily into the victim trap, and you might even think that she’s clinically depressed. This is why they can be just as destructive as any other form of MPD, if not more. Don’t worry though, we got you covered in this article. We’re listing five traits of a covert narcissistic mother and how to deal with them. Let’s go.
Number one: Guilt-tripping.
Covert Trait #1: Narcissistic mothers will control their children by guilt-tripping them. Instead of directly communicating their needs, narcissists usually have difficulty identifying their emotions and expressing empathy. And so, a narcissistic mother finds it extremely difficult to connect to the needs of a child, young or adult. In order to get what they want, narcissistic mothers might use covert methods of expression.
For example, guilt-tripping, mids-calling her over the weekend, “You must hate her,” planning a night out with your friends, “You must not care to spend time with your mother.” These mothers may appear emotionally needy and use this to make their children feel guilty for not being more understanding or supportive. If you walk away from every conversation with your mother feeling worse than before, you’re probably dealing with a manipulative covert narcissist.
Number two: Avoiding accountability.
Trait #2: Let’s talk about blame-shifting. Covert narcissistic mothers will never take accountability for their actions and usually put that responsibility on others, most likely their children. They may say that they’re having a bad day because their child woke up late, or they may justify their outburst by saying it was caused by something the child did. This type of blame-shifting can often be a result of the mother’s need to avoid negative judgment by her social circle. If your mother never takes accountability, you’re dealing with a covert narcissist.
Number three: Minimizing the children’s needs.
Trait #3: Covert narcissistic mothers will minimize their children’s needs, and that’s because they put their own needs above everyone else’s. This lack of empathy is a fundamental part of the MPD personality. Naturally, a child with a covert MBD mother will suffer from various developmental trauma because their basic needs like sleep, study, food, and attention simply won’t be met.
A child who’s been dismissed or minimized will grow up to have serious self-esteem issues, struggle with eating disorders, and is more susceptible to depression and anxiety disorders. If you see a mother who prioritizes her needs before her children, chances are she might be a covert narcissist.
Number four: Being overly intrusive.
Trait #4: Being excessively intrusive is another trait that these mothers have, but they will mask it as being gracious, kind, empathetic, or even generous. But at their core, covert narcissists are super lonely and do not understand boundaries. That combined with their need for praise and admiration, and you have someone who constantly wants to know who’s doing what, when, where, and how. If you have a mother who’s constantly uncomfortable in your space and presents that as care, you might have a covert narcissist on your hands.
Number five: Having super high.
Trait #5: Expectations and punishing their children when they’re not met. Lastly, these mothers hold extremely high expectations for their children. They see their children as an extension of themselves and as a result, their children’s behaviors are a reflection of their own.
They hold high standards that lead their children to be perceived as successful, smart, beautiful, or special in some way. They often take credit for these accomplishments, which can lead to children feeling unrecognized and undervalued. Similarly, if the child faces challenges, a narcissistic mother may seem intensely upset and excessively critical and worry that the child may shed a negative light on them. This can lead to children feeling guilty and ashamed for not living up to their mother’s expectations.
All right, so let’s wrap this up. In summary, the passive-aggressive interactions, guilt trips, and constant dismissal, of a covert narcissist will leave you scratching your head in confusion, wondering if you’re dealing with someone who’s mentally ill or downright abusive. Just remember, if you think this might be happening to you, it’s important to get help from a professional. And most importantly, remember that you deserve love, respect, and understanding from your mother.
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