Narcissists objectify their victims, believing they belong to them, have no free will, and aren’t entitled to leave. This belief is coupled with their deep fear of loneliness, confronting their own emotional voids and demons, which drives them to do whatever it takes to regain what they consider theirs and what they need to survive.
In pursuit of this goal, they wield the full power of their manipulation, attempting to win you back in various ways, using specific phrases that target your emotions, generate a sense of guilt, and sow doubt in your mind. This manipulative technique is known as ‘Hoovering,’ named after a vacuum cleaner called Hoover because just like a vacuum cleaner, they treat you like trash.
Below, I’ll show you the seven phrases manipulative narcissists use to reel you back in:
1. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you.’
They want to appear genuinely apologetic, masking their impulsive, destructive behaviors or unresolved childhood wounds. Their false remorse always ends up shifting the blame onto others. In fact, it can make you feel like they’re blaming you for some of their actions. Their apology comes with demands and a complete absence of remorse. They only tell you what they know you want to hear, taking advantage of your desires for them to truly change and realize their mistakes and mistreatment.
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They understand your needs and exploit them. They know that, in general thinking, admitting a mistake equals learning from it, but this doesn’t apply to narcissists. They simply show you that something can change in your relationship, and that becomes a perfect lure to recover you and make you fall into their traps again. They will justify each of their abuses in many ways.
For instance, they might tell you that at that moment they were under a lot of work-related stress, but now they are feeling more relaxed, seeing things more clearly, and deeply regret hurting you. They will assure you that it won’t happen again, that they have changed and realized everything. They apologize because they know it’s what you expect from them, but none of it is real. It’s all a trick to get you back into their manipulative hands.
2. ‘You are the love of my life. We must be together.’
The narcissistic person takes advantage of these typical phrases from romantic culture. They will tell you that you are their soulmate, that you are destined to be together, that you are meant for each other – anything that implies they are the only person who can make you happy.
They play with your mind and engage your deepest emotions, where you might have even thought the same thing at some point because, at the beginning of the relationship, they present themselves as the ideal person for you, leaving you with the feeling that they truly are the love of your life. That’s why the initial love bombing is so dangerous, as they later use it to manipulate you and toy with your feelings. These types of phrases, so popular in romantic movies, novels, and songs, are the perfect tools for the narcissistic manipulator. They use them to create confusion and make you start doubting and eventually believing their lies.
They will tell you that the time they spent apart made them realize that you are the love of their life and that they now understand you were meant for each other. They will try to manipulate you by saying they won’t find anyone like you, that they don’t want to lose you, and that you are destined to be together forever. All of this is a charade. They only want to take advantage of your state of confusion to win you back and continue mistreating you.
3. ‘Only you understand me.’
This manipulative technique aims directly at making you feel guilty. They will shift the responsibility onto you, claiming that you’re the only one who truly understands them, the one who hasn’t abandoned them despite everything, and that’s why you’re so special and they love you so much. This mixes a sense of guilt to make you feel special, someone who can help and do good.
This often happens to people with the Savior complex, individuals who seek to heal their own wounds by excessively helping others, trying to fix their lives, and mending their emotional wounds. However, they often fail to realize that in doing so, they become perfect targets for narcissists. You are not responsible for anyone’s wounds or for fixing or repairing others’ lives.
You have enough to deal with in your own life and your emotional scars. The narcissist, whether male or female, may speak ill of their ex-partners, claiming that those partners left them alone, that they didn’t understand them as you do, and that you are the only person who has always been there for them. In this way, they seek to forcibly involve you in their life, in fixing wounds that they don’t want to heal, because their way of dealing with these wounds is precisely through manipulation, having control over you and your emotions.
Don’t be fooled. There’s no way to heal their wounds and voids, and you can’t do it, nor is it your responsibility. Don’t fall into this trap. They just want to manipulate you as always.
7 PHRASES NARCISSISTS use to HOOVER YOU BACK IN
Narcissists objectify their victims, believing they belong to them, have no free will, and aren’t entitled to leave. This belief is coupled with their deep fear of loneliness, confronting their emotional voids and demons, which drives them to do whatever it takes to regain what they consider theirs and what they need to survive.
In pursuit of this goal, they wield the full power of their manipulation, attempting to win you back in various ways, using specific phrases that target your emotions, generate a sense of guilt, and sow doubt in your mind. This manipulative technique is known as ‘Hoovering,’ named after a vacuum cleaner called Hoover because just like a vacuum cleaner, they treat you like trash.
Below, I’ll show you the seven phrases manipulative narcissists use to reel you back in:
1. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you.’
They want to appear genuinely apologetic, masking their impulsive, destructive behaviors or unresolved childhood wounds. Their false remorse always ends up shifting the blame onto others. In fact, it can make you feel like they’re blaming you for some of their actions. Their apology comes with demands and a complete absence of remorse. They only tell you what they know you want to hear, taking advantage of your desires for them to truly change and realize their mistakes and mistreatment.
Related:
7 Phrases of the empath that destroy the narcissist
5 Things not to say to someone with depression top
Expect this if a narcissist knows youre onto them
Hidden narcissistic manipulation tactics revealed
They understand your needs and exploit them. They know that, in general thinking, admitting a mistake equals learning from it, but this doesn’t apply to narcissists. They simply show you that something can change in your relationship, and that becomes a perfect lure to recover you and make you fall into their traps again. They will justify each of their abuses in many ways.
For instance, they might tell you that at that moment they were under a lot of work-related stress, but now they are feeling more relaxed, seeing things more clearly, and deeply regret hurting you. They will assure you that it won’t happen again, that they have changed and realized everything. They apologize because they know it’s what you expect from them, but none of it is real. It’s all a trick to get you back into their manipulative hands.
2. ‘You are the love of my life. We must be together.’
The narcissistic person takes advantage of these typical phrases from romantic culture. They will tell you that you are their soulmate, that you are destined to be together, that you are meant for each other – anything that implies they are the only person who can make you happy.
They play with your mind and engage your deepest emotions, where you might have even thought the same thing at some point because, at the beginning of the relationship, they present themselves as the ideal person for you, leaving you with the feeling that they truly are the love of your life. That’s why the initial love bombing is so dangerous, as they later use it to manipulate you and toy with your feelings. These types of phrases, so popular in romantic movies, novels, and songs, are the perfect tools for the narcissistic manipulator. They use them to create confusion and make you start doubting and eventually believing their lies.
They will tell you that the time they spent apart made them realize that you are the love of their life and that they now understand you were meant for each other. They will try to manipulate you by saying they won’t find anyone like you, that they don’t want to lose you, and that you are destined to be together forever. All of this is a charade. They only want to take advantage of your state of confusion to win you back and continue mistreating you.
3. ‘Only you understand me.’
This manipulative technique aims directly at making you feel guilty. They will shift the responsibility onto you, claiming that you’re the only one who truly understands them, the one who hasn’t abandoned them despite everything, and that’s why you’re so special and they love you so much. This mixes a sense of guilt with the intention of making you feel special, someone who can help and do good.
This often happens to people with the Savior complex, individuals who seek to heal their own wounds by excessively helping others, trying to fix their lives, and mending their emotional wounds. However, they often fail to realize that in doing so, they become perfect targets for narcissists. You are not responsible for anyone’s wounds or for fixing or repairing others’ lives.
You have enough to deal with in your own life and your own emotional scars. The narcissist, whether male or female, may speak ill of their ex-partners, claiming that those partners left them alone, that they didn’t understand them as you do, and that you are the only person who has always been there for them. In this way, they seek to forcibly involve you in their life, in fixing wounds that they don’t actually want to heal, because their way of dealing with these wounds is precisely through manipulation, having control over you and your emotions.
Don’t be fooled. There’s no way to heal their wounds and voids, and you can’t do it, nor is it your responsibility. Don’t fall into this trap. They just want to manipulate you as always.
4. ‘I met her when I wasn’t with you.’
It’s likely that shortly after ending the relationship with the narcissist, they will start posting pictures on social media with another partner, a new victim. This will naturally make you suspicious, wondering if they cheated on you while you were still together, given the short amount of time between one relationship and the next. Therefore, this phrase is aimed directly at dispelling that theory, claiming that they were so devastated when you left that they needed emotional refuge elsewhere, but that they only want you and that this other person means nothing to them. With this, they aim to reaffirm their power over you.
First, they make you jealous and doubtful about this new person, and then they victimize themselves, telling you that they did everything because of you, because of how badly you left them, and because of all the suffering they endured because of you. In this way, they will sow more doubts, guilt, and a great deal of confusion in you. They will tell you that they would never have been unfaithful to you, that they were vulnerable at that moment, that it was just a fling, and that they don’t even have feelings for that person.
It doesn’t matter if it’s their current partner. They will deny any emotional connection and tell you that you are the love of their life. They will seek to involve you in a toxic dynamic of triangulation and confusion, making you start to doubt and believe their words. Narcissists are prone to infidelity, and while I’m not saying that’s your case, what I am saying is that you should not believe a single word they say because everything they tell you is meant to manipulate you and regain your attention, control, and power over you.
5. ‘I always knew things wouldn’t work out with you.’
With this phrase, they aim to make you doubt your capabilities while regaining your attention. They want you to feel guilty about who you are, to generate doubts about whether you’re a good partner or if you’re too troublesome. They want you to have the desire and need to prove that what they’re saying isn’t true, that you’re capable of being a good partner, that you’re not a toxic person, and that you can do things right.
Their plan is for you to now beg for their attention and affection, wanting to prove that you’re not everything they say about you. When they say this phrase, they are essentially telling you that the blame for the relationship not working out is on you. This way, they play with your insecurities and your fear of being alone.
They aim to make you believe that no one else could be interested in you due to the multitude of flaws you have, that you’re incapable of having a successful romantic relationship, and that you’re lucky they’re giving you the opportunity to be together again. This perverse mind game is a manipulation strategy to recover you and make you more compliant than before.
6. ‘We can just be friends.’
This narcissistic manipulation technique is a polite way to stay close to you. You might find it difficult to refuse such a friendly request, as you’ll see it as a smoother transition from the breakup. However, it’s quite the opposite. What they want is to confirm that they still have power over you. They aim to keep you close under their control, to observe your every move, and to make you feel under their influence.
Moreover, this notion of friendship actually means being ‘friends with benefits.’ They will convince you that it’s just for physical intimacy due to the strong chemistry between you two and that everything else will be a friendship. But this is just their bait to trap you. They will use intimate relations to keep you hooked, seeking to rekindle that emotional connection or make you feel so good in bed that you’ll want more and more because they know how to please you.
They will create confusion in you through erratic behavior, treating you distantly and as an object one day, and very affectionately the next, suggesting that there are still strong feelings between you. In this way, they aim to regain your attention, make you the one who seeks them out, and have this friendship as a trick to hold you under their control again.
Additionally, master’s friendship if they suspect you’re dating someone else, they will do everything in their power to sabotage that new romantic interest, using all their manipulation tactics and causing such confusion that you might let that opportunity with someone else slip away. This is why this phrase is very dangerous, and you should avoid falling into the manipulative trap of the narcissist.
7. ‘I’ve decided to go to therapy.’
This narcissistic manipulation tool is one of the most dangerous ones out there. This phrase will make you doubt like never before. You’ll believe that they have finally realized they have a problem and will try to fix it. This opens up a wide range of possibilities in your mind where you’ll think that change is possible.
You’ll consider that if you endured so much for so long, you have nothing to lose in trying to see if therapy brings about significant change, because deep down you always believed in their intention to change. This phrase is their best costume of remorse, the proof you needed to try it once more, to immerse yourself once again in that tumultuous and painful relationship from which you had decided to break free. And now you’re returning because this phrase ignites a glimmer of hope in your heart, and of course, since you want to believe it, you do.
In reality, the narcissist isn’t interested in changing their ways of dealing with people. They don’t want to progress; they don’t care about the harm they cause to others. In fact, they see it as an essential resource to extract their narcissistic supply, their pleasure in manipulating their victims. The narcissist goes to therapy solely to convince the victim that they have intentions of change. That’s the only reason they engage in psychological therapy. Sometimes they don’t even attend therapy; just making you think they’re going to therapy is enough.
They may displace superficial changes to make you believe that therapy is genuinely working. On occasion, couples therapy may occur, which is a significant mistake because narcissists are experts at deception. In therapy, they will play the role of kindness and understanding and subtly make that partner look bad. Often, this isn’t even noticed by the couple’s therapist, making this practice very dangerous, as it can lead the victim to doubt their abilities and sanity even more. The best course of action is to distance yourself from narcissists forever.
Don’t fall for their traps. Therapy won’t solve their problem because it’s structural; their brain operates that way, and there’s no way to change it, mainly because narcissists don’t believe they have any problem. They always see the problem as being with others and believe they are not at fault. They view people as objects they own, with whom they can do as they please.
The narcissist wants to recover you because you’re a valuable toy or just another item in their collection. They don’t want to give you time to forget about them or realize all these perverse manipulation mechanisms. Each of these phrases is a trap set by the narcissistic manipulator. You must avoid believing them. Remember all the harm they’ve caused you, and that they won’t change. You have to take care of yourself and distance yourself from the narcissist for good.
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