What do narcissists do when they’re alone? Emotionally, narcissists are constantly walking a tightrope, trying to balance their shaky self-esteem. What makes them feel more stable is getting a lot of external validation, and what makes them lose their sense of stability is any perceived criticism.
For this reason, narcissists have a very hard time being alone, and if they are alone, they are constantly hunting for new sources of supply. In today’s Topic, I’m going to talk about the seven things narcissists do when they are alone. Please stick around to the end of this article to find out what they are most definitely not doing
First, Supply is Like Oxygen:
Understand that to a narcissist, supply is like oxygen, and they need a constant source of supply to survive, which is why they have such a need to be in control of their sources of supply. Imagine being a scuba diver about to go on a deep dive; you’d be checking and double-checking your sources of oxygen and making sure you have enough oxygen supply to safely complete the dive.
This is what it’s like for a narcissist. Narcissistic supply refers to the admiration and validation that narcissists need to maintain their inflated self-image and their sense of self-worth. So if they’re not getting enough, they feel insecure, irrelevant, small, weak, vulnerable, and extremely shameful. So they are almost always fantasizing and striving to achieve success, power, beauty, brilliance, wealth, and the ideal love that they believe will make them worthy. So here are seven things that narcissists tend to do when they are alone.
Number one is self-admiration.
Narcissists spend a significant amount of time thinking about themselves, their accomplishments, and their perceived superiority. When they are alone, they may engage in activities that feed their ego. So they’re fantasizing about success or replaying past achievements. They’re indulging in these grandiose fantasies about having that something or someone that will make them happy and feel worthy of everyone’s admiration and adoration. While engaged in their self-admiration, they will often reach out to others by text or by phone to brag and to get that external validation.
Number two is they go on social media.
When a narcissist is alone, social media tends to be their best way to hunt down supply. They may spend time on their social media platforms for self-promotion.
So this, of course, is an attempt to seek validation, compliments, and praise. They may frequently post content that highlights their accomplishments, their material possessions, or anything to affirm their self-worth and make sure that people are seeing them and thinking of them in the light that they want to be seen. They typically send messages to people, either people that they know or people that they don’t know, doesn’t matter.
They may be flirtatious, and try to love the bomb. They’re probably fishing for compliments but definitely for attention. They may leave a comment on someone’s post with the goal of either getting admiration, drawing attention to themselves, or even just creating some chaos or drama. So they might insult someone or put them down. They might start arguing with strangers on social media to validate their beliefs boost their egos and also to assert power and a sense of control.
At the end of the day, all of their social media activities serve the same purpose, and that is to gain a narcissistic supply. Sadly, for narcissists, social media tends to be a double-edged sword, often fueling their insecurities as they can get very envious when they see other people showcasing their perfect lives.
Number three is their plan and scheme.
When alone, narcissists may meticulously plan and scheme ways to manipulate others. So this is to maintain control, it’s to uphold their image of superiority. They may be strategizing on ways to exploit vulnerabilities in their relationships, to get sympathy or empathy from others, and to plan revenge on other people who they perceive have harmed them in some way.
Planning and scheming allow them to orchestrate situations that fulfill their need for attention, admiration, validation, power, and control, often at the expense of other people’s well-being. Here’s an example: Let’s say a narcissist is invited to a party where they want to make a big impression.
They might spend a ton of time planning their entrance and interactions to ensure that they stand out and receive a lot of attention and admiration. They will meticulously plan how to craft their image, so this might include things like planning their outfit, makeup, and accessories and changing a hundred times before going.
They will strategize and plan conversations so that they can appear more intelligent, witty, and successful. They may scheme or begin planning potential ways to create drama, chaos, conflict, and excitement and ways to stay the center of attention. So whether this is by telling extravagant stories or engaging in other types of attention-seeking behavior, they may also anticipate potential challenges to their dominance or their spotlight and strategize subtle ways to undermine or discredit other people through dismissive remarks, and passive-aggressive behavior.
It’s all about getting maximum amounts of supply, and if any part of their plan fails, they may get extremely upset as they may feel crushed by a sense of shame, and this can cause them to behave in impulsive and erratic ways and often in abusive and rageful ways.
Number four is that narcissists ruminate when they are alone.
So they replay conversations or interactions in their minds repetitively, selectively focusing on aspects of the conversation that reinforce their self-image as superior, successful, or admired. They might dwell on compliments that they received, instances where they asserted their dominance or control, or situations where they believed that they were the center of attention.
By replaying these interactions, they seek to bolster their ego and maintain their inflated sense of self-importance. Also, narcissists may sometimes fixate on perceived slights or criticisms during these mental replays; however, they usually reinterpret these situations in a way that minimizes any of their flaws or faults and instead places the blame on others or dismiss the criticism altogether.
Number five is triangulated by text.
When a narcissist is alone, they are often on their phone, creating conflict, chaos, competition, and manipulating others from a distance, always stirring the pot, creating drama, and trying to gain a sense of control over people and situations. Since they have such a deep fear of being perceived as inadequate or flawed, they often triangulate the people in their lives to boost their self-image and maintain control over their sources of supply.
Again, by creating conflict and competition, triangulation involves bringing third parties into a relationship dynamic, typically by comparing or contrasting one person with another. This tactic is used to isolate and gaslight others by sewing seeds of doubt, jealousy, and insecurity, creating division among these people, and making them more susceptible to the narcissist’s manipulations.
Number six is reckless or impulsive behavior.
When left alone with their thoughts, a narcissist often feels very shameful. So to cope with these feelings, they often engage in activities that provide instant gratification, such as substance use, excessive shopping, or reckless sexual activities. These things offer instant distractions and immediate gratification, allowing the narcissist to temporarily escape from the emotional discomfort that they are experiencing.
Number seven is hoovering old sources of supply.
If they can’t find a new source of supply or they simply don’t want to make the effort, they will reach out to old sources of supply. Most narcissists have a list of old suppliers, such as exes, that haven’t fully cut them off yet. The ex might think that they are special because the narcissist is still reaching out to them after all of this time, but no. What is happening is that you’re like their convenience store, their backup plan, and the person they go to for a quick fill-up anytime their tank is low.
So maybe the narcissist is in a relationship, but when they’re alone and bored, they reach out and flirt with you, or they call you to complain about their new relationship. Or maybe they tell you that they can’t get over you. Whatever it is, it is aimed at getting supply from you quickly. They are likely reaching out to a bunch of people at the same time, and whoever responds first gets to fill their tank.
Okay, so those are some of the things a narcissist will do when they are alone, but here is one thing that they are not doing.
They are not facing reality or facing their feelings of shame. Most of their waking hours are spent trying to distract themselves from their sad, lonely, empty, shameful inner reality by using others to maintain their delusional fantasies. So if you are constantly seeking supply to uphold your fragile ego,
if your entire self-image relies on external validation, then narcissistic personality disorder is a possibility. But it’s not the only possibility. If you suspect you may have NPD, consider reaching out to a mental health therapist who specializes in this disorder and can help you manage your symptoms, regulate your emotions, give you better-coping strategies to deal with feelings of shame, as well as help you manage your relationships better.
Unfortunately, narcissists are typically the last ones to ever acknowledge their flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. When faced with criticism or evidence of their harmful behaviors, they simply raise their defenses even higher. They deflect, they blame, and they distort reality to protect their ego.
Then they go out and find people to reinforce their false self-image and twisted narratives. They are experts at finding people to breathe life into them, people who will support and enable them in justifying and rationalizing their bad behaviors, unable to ever truly confront themselves and deal with the shame that’s at the root of their recurring problems.
Related:
11 Mindless Habits That Give You Anxiety
7 Ways to Cause Narcissistic Mortification
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