– Hello and welcome to today’s article where we will be looking at seven things that create narcissistic mortification and crisis in the narcissist worldview. The key to understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that the entire formation of the personality is based on a false self. So they have a hyper-idealized vision of themselves that protects them from the realities of the world. So basically, all of these are a reflection of when reality creeps in, it defies the reality of the false self and causes the narcissist to wake up to the fact that they’re living inside of a delusion and this creates mortification and can spiral the narcissist into complete crisis.
1. Defy the all-important image
Narcissist thinks of themselves as being compelling, superior, attractive, wonderful, and charismatic, so when you defy that vision of themselves as being all-important, the center of the universe, magnetically seductive and attractive, and you cease to offer them that feedback, you cease to keep them in that place and you defy that, maybe you stop chasing after them, maybe you don’t reply to their calls, maybe you just let them know through your meta-communication that you’re not particularly impressed by them and you don’t particularly need them in your life, you show them they’re nonessential, that is the first strategy.
2. Operate outside the fixed view they have of you
When you do anything that goes outside of their fixed view of you. So, you will notice it’s very frustrating when dealing with somebody with Narcissistic Personality Disorder because they’re very rigid, they’re very stubborn, they’re very stiff, and they’re particularly stiff in their view of the external world, and you are part of that world. They don’t see you as a separate person. In the narcissist’s world, there is one human, them, and then there are objects, there are just things, there are just instruments to be used.
When they get to know you, they have a very rigid, very stubborn, and usually fairly, in my experience, simplistic view of who you are. So they have this false self of themselves, this view of themselves as all-powerful, all-beautiful, all-knowing, very important, very special, but then they also seem to have, like, a false view of other people, particularly their intimate partners, particularly their children, particularly people that they’re working with closely, their view of you will probably be off in quite a significant way.
Typically a long enough timeline in a relationship with a narcissist, I’m sure you will have seen examples of this yourself, they will reveal to you that their perception of you is quite significantly wrong. So they will say something like, “Oh you’re the type of person who would always ” or “I know that you love to do Y,” and then you think to yourself, “I would never do.
“I absolutely loath Y, where are you getting this from?” But they say it with absolute certainty. So they have the false self that protects them from the world, but then they also have a false or delusional vision of you as their intimate partner, as their spouse, as their child or parent, it’s fake. So, when you show them that they’re delusional by acting outside of their rigid, simplistic fixed view of you, this can also generate narcissistic mortification.
Now, remember, this fixed view of you is drawn in crayons by a child. This is a childish, delusional worldview. So their view of you will probably be sort of embarrassingly cringe-inducing-ly archetypal or stereotypical. It will be rooted in weird ethnic fallacies and gender fallacies and just a very rigid view of who you are, a very caricatured view of the other person.
3. Reverse uno card
strategy is when you do the reverse Uno card on them and you reverse it. So ultimately, in a relationship with the narcissist, the purpose of the narcissistic relationship is to draw you in and get you close to them so that ultimately they can get rid of you. This is always the end goal, otherwise, you’re not talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you’re talking about something else. µ
So, the end goal, no matter which route we go to get there, whether it’s because of friends or political views, or something you allegedly did or said, you were always going to be discarded. You were not chosen to be with, you were chosen to be with and then to discard. So this is always the end goal. Now, when I say play the reverse Uno car, what do I mean? If you do that to them, if you devalue them, and you discard them, and when you devalue them, look, you can’t fake it. I mean, this is a very childish and very impressionable personality disorder.
It’s not particularly street smart or savvy or good with people, which is why it’s maladaptive and why they have so much trouble, but they do understand meta-communication very well because they are hyper-vigilant. Meta-communication is not the content of what you’re saying so much as the way you’re saying it, your tone of voice, your register, your volume, your body language, your micro-expressions on your face, and everything else.
So, if you genuinely devalue them, it will show in your meta-communication. If you genuinely start looking at them like, “Wow, I thought you were really smart, “but it’s becoming apparent you’re a bit of a dummy,” or, “I thought you were really compelling or powerful “or charismatic and it turns out “you’re actually quite a dull fraudulent charlatan “who repeats themselves a lot and tells lots of lies.” Then you’re automatically and spontaneously going through the devaluation phase. They’ll feel that and it will put their anxiety. It starts to create narcissistic mortification.
If you then ultimately go from devaluing, which is what they were going to do to you, and you discard them, devaluing and discard is not emotional, it’s not emotional. There isn’t an opposite to adoration. So you don’t go from, “I adore you,” to “I despise you.” No, they feed off all that because if you despise somebody, you’re like, “You’re my nemesis, you’re the,” you know, “Satan “to my Jesus,” or whatever your thing is, you’re creating more drama and there’s more emotion.
They don’t care whether you love them or you hate them as long as they are significant. This renders them insignificant. Anything that renders them insignificant causes them to experience death. The false self loses energy, it powers down, it goes (humming) it powers down, and they panic ’cause they feel like they’re dying because that’s all they have is their false delusional self.
4. Point out their mistakes
again, we’re circling around the defiance of the false self. So let’s imagine that the narcissist is somewhere on the spectrum between narcissism and psychopathy, which is common, they’re boundary breakers, they push the limits, and they tend to be a little self-destructive as well, so they tend, over time, to overplay their hand. So let’s say that they’ve started moving into a realm where they do not really have expertise. Let’s say that they’re moving into an area where they don’t have that much experience and they don’t have that much control and they actually start to make mistakes.
So if you point out that they’re making big mistakes, or you let them know subtly, in a non-emotional way, that you’re aware that some of the things that they’ve told you are simply wrong, and you can prove, so it’s not you defying them, ’cause that becomes an ego battle, they can ego battle all day, and let’s face it, they’re probably better than you or I are at winning ego battles. So you don’t ego battle, what I recommend, this strategy, is you subtly let them know that you’re aware of a source that contradicts most of what they say and that proves them, you have proof, cast iron proof, that some of the things that they’ve said are simply wrong.
They’re hypervigilant so they’ll constantly be looking, if you’re the significant other, they’ll constantly be looking to see who and what you’re aware of and the content you’re aware of and to see if their little, if the con, the charlatanism of the false self that they’re imposing on you is working. I’m amazing, I’m very clever, I know about this, that, the other thing, I’m qualified in this, that and the other thing, and then you sort of subtly go,
“Yeah, I actually know that that’s not true “and I know that some of the things you’ve said “are wrong, and this is how,” but you don’t say it directly, you’ll drive them completely insane because the idea (chuckling) that they could be wrong defies the false self and creates that narcissistic mortification. Where I’ve observed is under these circumstances the next phase that they will go into is rage and they will then start vociferously attacking the source that has proved them to be wrong. That’s a sign you’ve got them by the short and curlies. The fifth strategy I’m gonna recommend directly switches off the false self, if you want to directly go to the false self and reduce it in power, you must cease to feed them supply.
5. So you stop offering them supply
There is now no more supply. We’re back here again, you render them insignificant. It is not a question of shifting from adoration and worship and respect to rudeness and loathing and disrespect and contempt, that’s not the point, you don’t do that. You simply turn down all emotional content. That’s for my Bruce Lee fans, all emotional content. You turn it down.
So there’s no longer, like, this emotionality to your relating to them. You kind of let it, (chuckles) you find them a little bit boring and that your, sort of, politely enduring their philosophizing, their self-aggrandizing, if you’ve had a narcissist in your life, you’ll know they frequently go into these mini speeches, almost like a standup comedian doing a bit of a politician who does like an essay where they’ll be like, “I’m the type of person “who always,” and they start self-lionizing and self-aggrandizing and saying how wonderful and moral and, you know, committed to whatever principle they are.
So if you start, you know, sort of pulling away from that, emotionally, you reduce the supply because you’re reducing your emotional content. When you respond with upset, when you beg for mercy, when you cry, when you are outraged, when you threaten them with dire consequences, when you shake, all of that is emotional content. So you don’t want that. You must turn down the supply by detaching emotionally.
6. Get on with your life
that we have is the healthiest strategy, is when you get on with your own life. Get on with it. There is a really difficult tendency, an unfortunate tendency, I should say, in narcissistically abusive relationships ’cause of course, they’ve brainwashed you, you’ve been with them and they’ve brainwashed you into, sort of, turning your face like a sunflower, that’s not what a sunflower looks like, it’s a flower though, okay, we agree, that’s a flower.
Let’s put on a smiley face, yay. Into turning your face to the sun. So the sunflower always turns its face to the sun and they’ve grabbed you by the head and “Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me,” over and over and over and over again across a long enough timeline, your brain becomes conditioned to think I must look like a child to a parent to what they think, to what they’re doing because they’re the source of significance and meaning in my world.
This is a deliberate brainwashing technique to break down your ego boundaries and to put them at the center of the universe. When you train yourself away from this, which I can teach you how to do, but it does take time, realistically, breaking this brainwashing, it’s gonna take months. I can do that for you within the Unplug From the Matrix of Narcissistic Abuse Course. I don’t know where your level is, but for most people, I would say inside of three months, if you’re committed, you can start to undo this tendency to be looking at them for significance in your life. Even if you’re in no contact with them, even if you haven’t heard from them in three months, you’re still going to the internalized object you have of them because that’s the traumatic impact they’ve had in your life.
You split up with them two years ago, but you’re still turning to the inside of your mind like a good loyal little sunflower. Don’t do that. You face the direction you want to go in. You don’t look at the false sun of them, you look towards the real light in life and you get on with your life. If you can go and get on with your life, with no need to go back to them and no need to send them texts checking in with them or trying to resolve things or trying to get your closure, they will realize that and you will defy their false self as being all significant and all powerful and all attractive and at the center of the universe, and you will create narcissistic mortification like that as well.
7. Adult individuate
Healthy messaging is the most powerful thing that you can do. When you’ve spent a lot of time being brainwashed by a narcissist, you will be reduced to their narcissistic level of thinking. It’s a terrible shame, but it’s the way it works. Okay, so a narcissistic toddler-ish, childish level of thought, you’ll be like, “They stole my toy from me and I have to, “and they broke it and now I have to “steal two toys from them and break them. ”
That’s not you, that’s them thinking like that. Your ambition should not be to take revenge on the narcissist, should not be to torture or punish the narcissist, I release articles with titles like that, it’s purely click-bait, and then when you watch the article, I drive people through to here and here. What’s this? What’s this? What’s the opposite of wanting to punch the narcissist back and show them that you’re bigger than them and better than them? What’s the opposite of that? Doesn’t matter because you’re not engaging in this tit-for-tat battle.
All you need to do is to become an adult, raise your consciousness, individuate, and use this as an opportunity in your life now to become a more emotionally mature individual. It’s a crisis, it’s come through a relationship with a family member, or romantic relationship, or a relationship at work mainly, these are the three vectors through which people come to my article ’cause they’re the victims of narcissistic abuse. If you want to continue on with your life, and you wanna get on with it, and you wanna be not just surviving, but thriving, then become more adult, become more individuated, in the Jungian sense, and become more emotionally mature. This will drive them completely insane because I think, not consciously, but on an unconscious level, they kind of want you to be a version of them.
It’s like a horror movie law, horror movies, horror books, fantasy, mythology, they sort of want, the zombie bites you, you become a zombie. The white walker kills you, and you become a white walker, the vampire, sometimes, in some lore, bites you and drinks some of your blood, and then feeds you back some of their blood, and you either become a vampire or you become like a half-vampire, depending on which world you’re in. So there’s a desire to turn you into them. It satiates the ego. It’s like they’re looking to have an army of brainwashed zombies, undead, white walkers, and vampire followers behind them with them as the king or queen and them as the leader.
So when you individuate, you’re going (whooshes) “Nope, I’m not doing that. “I’m a person separate from you,” and this is where I’ll end it. That is the ultimate defiance. “I am a human being separate from you. “I existed before you and I will exist after you. “You were one, short, dull chapter in my life.”That is the worst narcissistic injury you could possibly inflict. Get on with your life, become more adult, individuate, become more emotionally mature, and live the best life that you can. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for your time and for your attention.
Leave a Comment