How Narcissists Recruit Flying Monkeys to Attack You

Did you know that most of the time, narcissists don’t work alone? That may sound crazy, considering how self-centered and ego-driven narcissists are. But these people will often recruit others to further their agendas and turn the crowd against you. Knowing what a “flying monkey” is can help you identify who is on your side and who is reporting back their findings to the abusive narcissist.

If you want to be able to fully trust and confide in the people around you, stick around until the end, and you’ll easily spot these narcissist enablers without all the annoying drama.

Number 10: They find common ground against you.

Narcissists can seem clever from the outside, but the reality is their tactics are pretty basic. The problem is that most people find the sneaking, gossiping, and general drama to be pointless and tiring. But to them, it’s their main goal in life. A narcissist will often recruit flying monkeys under a common cause. They all share, and sometimes that may even be that they have a mutual dislike of you.

It is normal for people to not get along, but narcissists almost take it as a sign of disrespect. And if they don’t like you, they are going to want to turn people against you right away. You shouldn’t take this personally at all, as these flying monkeys are being radicalized by the narcissist to be overly mean or rude to you. Anyone who stands in the way of this group is going to get attacked verbally, and have rumors spread about them, and it can be really hard to speak out against them.

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Number 9: Narcissists running together?

On this channel, we talk so much about how narcissists are prideful, mean-spirited people who want to feel superior to others. But there are some occasions where fellow narcissists can coexist. Unfortunately, this usually means that they have found something in common to be upset about, and it can create a really uncomfortable and unwelcoming environment for everyone involved.

Generally speaking, narcissists turned flying monkeys don’t last all that long, as eventually they too will turn on each other. But what do you do in the meantime? Well, if you can’t lay low and let it pass, your best bet is to plant your feet and not budge on the things you find important. Narcissists hunt for weakness, and they will try to poke around for insecurities to later use against you.

Number 8: They will try to turn your allies against you.

Narcissists and their flying monkeys can be awfully tricky to deal with on your own. But having a solid group of people in your corner can really turn the tables on them. When the agents of the narcissist start to figure out that your strong support system is too much for them, their next step might be to turn you against one another.

This can occur in a number of ways, but two of the main ways these abusers will try to break you up is to spread false rumors about you or use information you gave them to make you or your friends look bad.

Riling you up and making you think that your friends don’t have your back can lead to turmoil within your group, which is why you have to try your best not to let these things get to you. The worst thing a friend group can do is to start doubting one another. So bringing those rumors or accusations to your friends directly so they can dispute them is the best way to stay close-knit and together.

Number 7: The classic smear campaign.

Of all the tactics a narcissist will try, the Flying Monkey smear campaign is usually the most common. When this happens, it can feel like all of it came out of nowhere, and suddenly there is so much talk about you going around.

The goal from their perspective is to make you feel alone and to make your friends or coworkers question if they really know you. Things can get pretty nasty when insults and gossip are being thrown around, but it won’t last. Eventually, people will start to understand that this is all just a childish attempt to make you look bad. And as long as you are able to keep a level head, you should be more than fine.

Number 6: They want to break you.

Abuse by proxy is all about making you feel small and vulnerable with the hope that you can be broken. It takes some mental fortitude not to give in and become reactionary or defensive, but you should not stoop to the narcissist’s level. People who get shaken up by this kind of behavior can look erratic or act out of character, and the people around you are going to notice that bullying simply has no place in today’s culture. Most people are going to be able to see through the flying monkeys’ attempts to trigger you.

Number 5: The flying monkeys will try to earn your trust.

Flying monkeys can be really devious, and at the start of your relationship with them, they may even try to become friends with you. The thing is, they are doing this in order to manipulate you and not actually to form a meaningful bond. People who have been burned by narcissists in the past often report that they knew things that they never even told them, and that’s because of the flying monkeys.

These agents know that the narcissist craves personal info to either butter you up later or to throw in your face. So you may want to be careful revealing any kind of information to a flying monkey. Keeping to topics that you would be comfortable sharing with anyone is your safest bet since otherwise sharing a secret may get you burned.

Number 4: They will ice you out.

Sometimes, a narcissist’s flying monkeys don’t even have to share a word to follow through on their schemes as the silent treatment is one of their favorites. Narcissists and their buddies love to seem important and better than those around them, and not giving you the time of day or purposefully misunderstanding you is a common maneuver in their playbook.

This usually plays out as childishly as it seems and isn’t even the most effective attack, but in their heads, they think they are getting to you. The best way to avoid this attack is to not play into it and to draw attention to it. If it starts to get in the way of your job performance or something like that, reporting that a coworker or friend is giving you the cold shoulder to get one over on you is going to make them look really bad and will require them to drop the act.

Number 3: They will try to recruit others against you.

For a narcissist, the bigger the group, the more popular they are. These egotistical abusers want to be the center of attention and the leader of their group, and they will often send their agents to recruit others to their cause. As their numbers grow, they will be bolder in attacking you and will feel increasingly confident.

If things have reached this point, there’s a lot of dysfunction coming along right with it. So you should try your best to remain balanced as things continue to spiral. The work environments and friend groups that allow narcissists to thrive almost never succeed. So you can at least take some solace in the fact that there may not be all that much to fight for there.

Number 2: They prey on the anxious.

If you are a person who suffers from anxiety, especially the social kind, then a narcissist is either going to try to recruit you or attack you. You see, the narcissist is mostly interested in bringing in people they find interesting or who flatter them, but they will also try to bring in people who are willing to do the work for them.

If the anxious individual gets along with the flying monkeys and is willing to gossip about others or make fun of them, then they may just join the group. If the person refuses, however, then the narcissist will feel rejected and most likely will stage an attack against them in order to prove they are superior.

Number 1: The agents will always change.

Narcissists are volatile people who can make big decisions at the drop of a hat. They may have a bad day and start a beef with one of their agents, or they may just kick them out because they no longer believe they are cool enough.

Whatever the reason, you should be aware that narcissists will rotate their crew, so an enemy one day may become a friend the next. After all, their friendship isn’t real. They’re just a group of people who enjoy making fun of others and making their lives worse. This is an extremely toxic environment, and it usually sorts itself out after a while.