Have you ever been involved in a conversation, and shortly after it ended, you realized that the other person wasn’t really paying any attention? What we mean is, every time you tried to talk about your experiences or life, they just kind of detoured and made it about them. Now that we’ve mentioned it, you might immediately start recalling certain conversations that fit that description.
Well, what we’ve described are conversations with a narcissist. Having a conversation with someone who might be a narcissist can be frustrating, confusing, and a little intimidating. These conversations are usually self-absorbed and one-sided.
Some research indicates that narcissistic individuals often had parents who treated them as superior beings, abandoned them, or subjected them to mental or physical abuse. Signs of these different kinds of trauma can surface in conversations if you listen carefully.
So, turn up the volume and pay attention to these tips and tricks for spotting a narcissist through simple conversations. You might be surprised how many such conversations you’ve had recently.
Number 1: They make it clear they only associate with people of higher importance.
This might seem unusual, but many narcissists talk about how they only prefer to interact with people of equal or higher class. You might be surprised and think, “No one would actually say that out loud, right?” Well, a narcissist would. Their high self-esteem leads them to believe they should only be around people as great as they are. This behavior can make you feel inferior and as if the conversation is a favor they’re bestowing upon you. This can hurt and embarrass you.
Such toxic interactions are clear signs of conversing with a narcissist, yet most victims don’t realize it and allow the narcissist to exploit them. It’s crucial to step back when you start feeling inadequate in a conversation and evaluate whether it’s worth the ensuing negativity. We promise it won’t be.
Of course, there might be times when you can’t avoid talking to such a person, especially if they’re a family member or coworker. In such cases, it’s important to set boundaries. Narcissists always believe they’re better than anyone else in the room and that no one is as great as them. This is especially common among coworkers who aspire to move up quickly.
Many colleagues might brag about how much they do for the boss and how indispensable they are. They do this to make others feel like they don’t stand a chance next to them. Narcissists will only associate with supervisors and higher-ups who can help them climb the ladder. They’ll make it clear to their peers that they won’t be around for long and that their peers will soon be working under them.
Number 2: Constant criticism of others.
This is known as gaslighting – turning the blame around to make the victims doubt their reality. Gaslighting is a form of harsh criticism, as it suggests that the victim isn’t capable of understanding their feelings and reality. When a narcissist constantly talks about feeling attacked due to what someone else said, it’s often an exaggeration or a complete fabrication. Narcissists are known to embellish stories or lie to present themselves in a better light.
Consistently criticizing others is a significant sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. Narcissistic individuals tend to be negative by nature and may belittle others to make themselves look better. Some narcissists criticize the people they’re talking to, either by mocking their choices or ridiculing their clothing, all to inflate their ego. When the victims question these hurtful comments, narcissists usually respond by saying they’re trying to help or by asking why the victims are so sensitive.
Number 3: They give unsolicited advice.
In line with their belief that they’re always superior and more intelligent than anyone else in the room, many narcissists offer advice even when it’s not asked for. Unfortunately, their advice often doesn’t help the victim and may even be designed to undermine the victim or prevent their improvement or success. Narcissistic behavior involves trying to see others fail, so their advice frequently backfires. Yet, they’ll continue offering it as if they genuinely believe it’s helpful. The victim might feel frustrated but might still go along with it.
It’s important to express gratitude for their input while politely explaining that their advice isn’t necessary. If you suspect someone you’re talking to is a narcissist, always establish boundaries if completely cutting off communication isn’t feasible. They want to appear helpful and intelligent, but in reality, they don’t care about you or the situation. Many victims fall into this trap, heed the advice, and when they act on it, it usually leads to harm or embarrassment. Narcissists lack empathy, which is a critical component of providing genuine help to others.
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Number 4: They always steer the conversation toward themselves.
Humans are naturally self-aware and enjoy discussing their interests and experiences. That’s entirely normal. However, it’s equally normal to acknowledge that others exist and it’s important to inquire about their well-being. Narcissists, on the other hand, believe the world revolves around them. You might notice that, in conversation, the topic invariably becomes about them.
Regardless of the subject’s relevance or significance, they’ll find a way to bring it back to themselves. If you’re speaking to someone and notice they show no interest in your contributions, don’t ask you any questions, or fail to match your conversational energy, you might indeed be dealing with a narcissist.
Many victims of abuse who exit such toxic environments find themselves struggling to discuss anything about themselves because they’ve spent so much time listening. If you find yourself in a conversation where the other person seems disinterested in your words, brushes off your comments, or abruptly shifts to a completely unrelated topic, it’s crucial to step back and disengage before you fall into the victim pattern. As previously mentioned, individuals who’ve been subjected to abuse or neglect that culminates in Narcissistic Personality Disorder often fall into this pattern due to prolonged disregard for their thoughts and feelings.
Number 5: They talk more than they listen.
Engaging with a narcissist can be challenging when you have so much to say but they keep monopolizing the conversation. Conversing with a narcissist usually means they talk more than they listen. Narcissistic individuals tend to talk over people and direct the discussion according to their preferences.
This is rooted in their egotistical nature. Interrupting and cutting off others allows them to maintain control. Their behavior implies, “You have no control in this relationship, even in conversation.” This is a significant clue when trying to identify a narcissist in your life. If you feel like you’re primarily listening, with very little opportunity to speak, and if all their talking revolves around them, you’re likely dealing with a narcissist.
Another effective way to discern narcissistic behavior through conversation is if they consistently talk about topics that make you uncomfortable. We’re mentioning this here because narcissists often hear you say that certain topics make you uneasy, yet they persist in bringing them up. They’ll exploit your discomfort, noticing the change in your body language, and using it against you. A narcissist’s mouth tends to be larger than their ears.
Number 6: They get defensive when you disagree with them.
The final point is important because most people who engage in conversations are accepting of differing opinions. However, narcissists are a bit different. Believing they’re the smartest and most superior individuals, they might become overly sensitive and even display narcissistic rage when someone disagrees with their opinions. This rage is common among individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It involves lashing out at the victim, creating a hostile environment, and attempting to guilt them into changing their stance.
This is another clear way to spot a narcissist – by observing their inability to accept diverse opinions and be open-minded to others’ thoughts. From a narcissist’s perspective, it’s either their way or no way at all. This sensitivity might manifest as verbal or physical outbursts or even silent treatment.
After a disagreement, narcissists might withdraw and alter their body language to signal that they won’t communicate until you acknowledge their viewpoint.
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