There will likely be things in your relationship that you’ve been wanting to hear from The Narcissist for such a long time, but they’ve always avoided it at every turn. But suddenly, once you’ve had enough and you decide to leave, they suddenly get it and they say exactly that thing you needed to hear. But remember, they are only offering this as a last-ditch effort to keep you around.
Promises about the future.
Promises about the future. Now, this could be a whole range of different things. It may be that they promise to get help so that they can change and be the best version of themselves for you. But it could also be along the lines of agreeing to have children in the future, to get married, a holiday—things that they previously said they didn’t want.
They appeal to your compassionate side.
Now, in an attempt to break no contact, a narcissist may start to behave more vulnerable to get you to feel sorry for them. They might turn up at your door, crying about how much they miss you. They could send you flowers or gifts, romantic letters anything to get you to comfort them again.
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They say sorry and pretend to take responsibility.
This is a very powerful move that a narcissist can use against you. They admit that they have issues, and they say sorry and they take responsibility for that behavior. But just because they say all these things doesn’t mean it’s true. So, stand your ground and point out that you need to see evidence and progress before you reconnect, because most narcissists will unravel quite quickly here, and they will end up telling you how terrible you are at making accusations about you. Again, then they’ve only gone and proven your point.
They send cryptic messages.
Send random cryptic messages in an effort to test the water to see how you feel. The narcissist might use a quick little message over text or social media. It could be a simple ‘Hi, how are you?’ or it could be a random sentence, such as ‘I miss your cat.’ They might even pretend that they didn’t even mean to send that message to you. After all, this is all an effort to get you connecting again. Remember, you don’t have to reply. They are only sending something to confuse you so that you reply, whether that is so that you get that conversation going.
They blame you again.
They blame you and try to make you feel guilty. Now, this usually comes after some of the previous tactics have failed to work, and then they start acting up and stating that they were planning on leaving you first anyway. They’ll start trying to shift the blame and telling you what a bad person you are and everything wrong that you did in the relationship. And again, this is an effort to get a reaction out of you. But don’t fall for it, okay? Just leave them to think about what they want. You are the bigger person for walking away.
Abandonment.
Another last-ditch effort by the narcissist is cutting off all contact from their side. If you are someone who has their own fears of being rejected and abandoned, this could be effective against you. They say that they are done with you. They hang up, stop messaging, and leave or maybe block you. In reality, they’ll be sitting and waiting for you to come back to them because they know it will work.
Making you doubt yourself.
This normally starts by them convincing you to stay in contact, so that you can be friends after the breakup. And this is where the act of them being the nicest person ever comes into play. They’ll be offering to help you with all sorts of things, money issues, a whole bunch of crazy things they never did before. Because their aim is to get you to the point where you start to doubt if the relationship issues were really that bad, perhaps you got it all wrong. But don’t be fooled by this behavior. The best thing you should do is have a clear period of no contact, time away, and space to heal properly.
Now, guys, I have been in a relationship with a narcissist in the past, and let me tell you, one of the best things I ever did was leave that relationship. But they will try all these tactics time and time again to try and get back into your good books. It can even be that they disappear after so many months after the breakup, and then they come back and they just try to be a different person, the person that you always wanted them to be, and it never, ever worked.”
Related:
11 Early signs a relationship won’t last
15 Signs she is highly attracted to you
15 Scary things narcissists do when you go no contact you need to know this
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