Right now, I find there is massive confusion between antisocial and narcissistic personality disorder. So today, I’m explaining these differences. For simplicity’s sake, throughout this article, I will refer to people with these disorders as narcissists and sociopaths.
Number one Sociopaths are predatory, whereas narcissists are parasitic.
In other words, a sociopath is preying on you to get what they want, and they will crush anyone who gets in their way. A narcissist is more parasitic, sucking any type of narcissistic supply that they can get out of you.
Sociopaths are fully aware of their manipulative and abusive ways. Their nature is to exploit and/or harm others. They can see decent people coming from a mile away, and they purposely take advantage of their empathy and their other emotional vulnerabilities. The sociopath is the wolf in sheep’s clothing, hunting their prey using camouflage and deceit, hiding their sinister intentions, which is simply to get whatever they want in that moment, no matter the cost to others. A narcissist, on the other hand, can be dangerous too, but they are less aware of why they do what they do.
They are stuck in egoic pride, always craving other people’s admiration, trying to prove themselves as special and superior. So when a narcissist are behaving badly and harming others, in their mind, they’re often convincing themselves that they are simply acting in self-defense and protecting themselves against you or just getting even with you for something that you’ve done to wrong them. So the narcissist’s sense of reality is warped and twisted in their favor.
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Number two is their motivations.
Both narcissists and sociopaths manipulate others, but their underlying motivations are different. For narcissists, their primary aim is to secure narcissistic supply, which is the attention, adoration, admiration, and validation that they need to uphold their inflated yet very fragile ego.
Yes, they may exploit you for other things while they’re at it, but their main motivation is to fuel their ego. Sociopaths, on the other hand, also exhibit narcissistic traits and tendencies, their primary motivations do not revolve around inflating and maintaining this false sense of self-importance by gaining the admiration from others to regulate their fragile ego and sense of self-worth. Instead, sociopaths are motivated by profit or pleasure.
Their primary aim is to fulfill their immediate needs and achieve their goals. And that could be to get your sex, your services, your money, your resources, or whatever they want or need at that moment. It might simply be enjoying the sense of power and control over you, or it could be causing you pain for entertainment to relieve your boredom.
Number three is the lack of empathy.
Sociopaths have very little, if any, concern for the rights or needs of others. It doesn’t matter who they hurt or how badly, as long as they are getting what they want. They’re not thinking about whether or not you deserve it, whether you’re a good person or a bad person. It’s just about the fact that they want something from you, and they’re going to get it, no matter the cost to you or others. For this reason, sociopaths leave a huge trail of destruction in their wake, and they are not plagued with guilt, shame, regret, or remorse over any of it.
It’s simply their nature to be this way, no justifications are required, unless, of course, they’re caught red-handed. While narcissists also lack empathy, they are typically capable of at least having some level of cognitive empathy, which is why they often need to rationalize, minimize, and justify their bad behavior so that they don’t have to feel bad or shameful about the harm that they cause. Narcissists may at times have remorse, but it’s shallow and short-lived, quickly buried by their defense mechanisms to protect their fragile ego.
Number four is accountability.
Both narcissists and sociopaths lack accountability, but the sociopath believes that they are above the law and that the rules and consequences do not apply to them. They are often not afraid of authority figures, and they tend to be very overconfident about not getting caught or about their ability to avoid any consequences for their actions. Narcissists, on the other hand, have fear. So when they break the rules, they will rationalize, minimize, justify, and create a narrative to convince themselves and others that their reasons for breaking the law or the rules are justified.
Number five is the superficial charm.
Sociopaths are often very skilled at creating a charming facade to gain your trust, by quickly disarming you and making you think that they are reliable, sincere, and trustworthy, all while hiding their ulterior motives, which are to manipulate, exploit, and gain control over you.
A narcissist, on the other hand, may or may not be charming, but when they are, it’s mainly about getting a narcissistic supply, so that admiration and that validation that they need to keep their ego inflated. Covert narcissists, tend to be less charismatic and typically play the vulnerable victim role, seeking attention and validation through getting your empathy and your sympathy, rather than with overt displays of charm.
Now let me just say that not all charming people are narcissists or sociopaths and that not all sociopaths and narcissists rely on charm to manipulate their victims.
Number six is false promises and future faking.
Sociopaths are known for making promises and commitments that they have zero intention of keeping. They use these false assurances and promises to lure others into their web of manipulation and deception, 100% knowing that they don’t have any intention whatsoever of fulfilling any of their promises once they’ve achieved their goals and objectives. The sociopath breaks their promises, acting like they never even made them. A narcissist, on the other hand, is just as bought into their delusional promises as you are.
So although they may also break their promises for this grand fake future, usually in the moment that they’re making these promises, they actually believe in the fake fantasy illusion that they’re creating for you. And when they do break their promises, they blame it on you, disappointed that you weren’t living up to your promises. Once you disappoint a narcissist, they feel betrayed and justified in breaking all of their promises to you, truly believing that you don’t deserve whatever it was that they promised you.
Number seven is the level of emotional manipulation.
Sociopaths aim to keep their victims in a constant state of heightened emotions to keep them confused and cloud their judgment so that they don’t have the ability to think rationally. Once in an emotional state, the sociopath applies pressure, giving you no time to think, using guilt, fear, and shame to control you and get whatever it is that they want from you. If you resist, they will have emotional outbursts and rage at you, using their emotional intensity as a tactic to scare you into submission and into complying with what they’re trying to get you to do or to give them.
They only actually feel bad when their goals are thwarted, when they lose power, or when they have to face the consequences of their actions. A narcissist also uses your emotions against you, but they are typically plagued by their own negative emotions, including fear, shame, pride, anger, and so on. What makes them feel really bad and can even lead to narcissistic collapse are events and experiences that threaten their fragile sense of self. Their sense of self is like a balloon with a slow leak, always needing to be inflated, and it can be easily popped at any given moment when there’s not enough air in the balloon.
The narcissist suffers emotionally, and they will mess with you psychologically as a way to rein themselves. Often by deflating you, once they’ve sucked all the air out of you, they feel like they can breathe again.
So the bottom line here is that narcissists and sociopaths both behave in harmful ways, but for different reasons. The narcissist may lie, cheat, manipulate, or exploit others, but it’s a way to gain narcissistic supply and maintain control over their sources of supply. So it’s all in an effort to keep their ego inflated and to regulate their sense of self and their sense of self-worth. This allows them to maintain their grandiose sense of superiority.
So they spend an excessive amount of time and energy crafting their self-image and trying to maintain control over people’s opinions of them. Whereas the sociopath really doesn’t care about your opinion. They’re all about getting their wants and needs met in the moment, having full confidence that they are smarter than everyone else and can manipulate and cover their lies and other bad behaviors. Regardless of specific motivations, the damages inflicted by a narcissist or a sociopath can be extreme. It’s a mistake to assume that others think, feel, and behave in the same ways as you do or have the same motivations. Mistaking a Komodo dragon for a gecko is not a small error.
And just because you love all animals doesn’t mean you should stroll into the Komodo dragon’s cage in your sandals thinking that you can handle it, that they won’t hurt you if you just give them enough love and respect. That said, you also don’t need to demonize the Komodo dragon. Just recognize that it is dangerous and that is their nature. If you suspect that you’re dealing with a narcissist or sociopath, examine their patterns of behavior. Don’t listen to their words, but rather look at how you are being conditioned to submit, comply, and supply them. Over time, you will see that it is not a win-win, it’s not even a compromise.
They win and you lose. And once they no longer need you for anything, you will be discarded, either for good or until they need something from you in the future, at which point they will come back into your life, sometimes just to prove that they still own you and have power over you. Sometimes it’s because they’re low on supply and they need a fill-up, and sometimes it’s just because it’s in their nature to hunt and suck you dry.
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