That’s what we’re talking about in this article. I’m a trauma expert and Top Doctor and in this article, I help you identify the hidden narcissists in your life, identify the impact that they’re having on your life, and then turn that trauma and that drama into gold becoming stronger and more powerful than you ever were before.
Today we’re talking about what a trauma bond with a narcissist actually looks like. And I want you to picture the trauma bond as an iceberg when it is dark. At first, you can’t see it at all. You have no idea trauma bonds even exist, much less that you’ve been bonded and that your trauma bond is being strengthened each day. While you’re in the dark this trauma bond …
Blinds you to the fact that you’re in an abusive relationship, Makes you stay with someone you don’t trust and Leads you to focus on the narcissist’s good qualities and overlook their repeated actions. Fools you into making excuses for their behavior. Drives you to defend the narcissist and the relationship. and gives you false hope that the relationship will improve despite history to the contrary.
Then it leads you to stay in the relationship once you see clearly that you’re being abused. Eventually, you realize something is wrong with this relationship. That is if you can ever get past wondering if there is something wrong with you.
The darkness gives way to light
So as dawn comes, as you leave the darkness, you leave the relationship or you’re discarded. Therapy is kind of like sunrise. You can now see the trauma bond. And that part of the trauma bond that you can see, the part that is above water, so to speak, tries to draw you back in.
The feeling that you’ll always love the narcissist, The fear that you can’t live without them, Your inability to stop thinking about them, Your uncontrollable urge to spy on them on social media, Your desire to run into them, Your longing for a Hoover attempt, even though you really don’t want to reunite Your hope that they’ll change, Your fear, that they’ll change for someone else.
Your impulse to defend them to others, Your desire to stay single in case they come back. Therapy can provide insights and tools to help you dismantle this layer of the trauma bond. You become functional again. You believe you’re ready to move on. You graduate from therapy.
The danger lurking below the water
What you don’t see at this point in time is the danger lurking below the water. This part of the trauma bond is subtle, insidious, and so dangerous, and the worst part is you don’t even know it’s there. The trauma bond below the water leads you . . .
To attract new narcissists into your life as romantic partners, business partners, employees, colleagues, or friends, To be attracted to narcissists and other toxic people – leading to this endless cycle of hope followed by heartbreak to emotionally beat yourself up for getting into yet another toxic relationship. To believe you’ll never be able to trust again.
To fear that your only two choices are to be sucked into another toxic relationship or to be alone forever, To lack the motivation and drive that you once had To feel like you’ll forever be broken. This hidden trauma bond not only impacts your romantic relationships, but it also impacts your relationship with your kids, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your employees, your acquaintances, your neighbors, and worst of all, it impacts your relationship with YOURSELF. That impacts your health, your career, your wealth, and your impact on the world.
The trauma bond keeps you stuck if you let it
The trauma bond keeps you stuck if you let it. and it will not be broken until you see it and consciously choose to break it. This is why I am so passionate about helping others break that trauma bond that lies below the water and take their life back. I’ve helped others. I’d love to help you
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